My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
