Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
