But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
