I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
