wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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