If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
