fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
