you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
