I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
