wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
