Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
