you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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