i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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