8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
