home. puking in laundry basket.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
