I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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