Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
