My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can I color on your dick again?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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