Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
