Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
