Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
