I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
