Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize