At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
