its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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