you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
