Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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