Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sarcasm needs its own font
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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