Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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