it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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