The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
