Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dick very happy bro
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