My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
