I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
