hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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