There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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