I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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