I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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