When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How's work?
Spinning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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