she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
