that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
