you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
