Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
