I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
