It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
