I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
