You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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