How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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