so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
