found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
