My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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