i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
