someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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