If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
