Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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