ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
