I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
