How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
