I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
