dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize