just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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