Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
