As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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