you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
