Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
