I puked a lego.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
