I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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