dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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