I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
