I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize