how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
