We're like a lot better than the average bears
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
