I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
