I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
